Empty Life II

I did not serve today.

I was bored a bit. I mentioned my Owner had switched on the bell of my collar and it jingled when i walked. I admit it is humiliating and I would find it exciting if I served. But, I am always alone. I do not want to go to non-BDSM places, not because of the humiliation. I just do not want to disturb anybody. If you ever heard the sound of a slave bell, then you understand me.

It is very difficult to find a real Master. Many want-to-be masters like the idea to have a slave. I met such masters. They usually used me for a day or maybe two days. Then they threw me away, they did not even say me that I was free. I do not know why they acted so. Informing others about the end of the relationship is a requirement in a vanilla life. When you submit yourself somebody, you trust in him more. You let him to rule your (second) life. You give everything for him and if you find the wrong person, you receive nothing, even a simple sentence “Go away” or “I do not want you more”.

I tried to describe all relevant information about me in my profile. I mentioned the length of my offered servitude. I also showed when I was online. I have only few limits. One of them says that I wanted to be used. Standing alone, not used is my limit. If an Owner breaks it then how could I be sure that my Owner will not force me to do age play?

You know my hidden fear of auctions. I sometimes think that I must be sold only in auctions. The reason is not earning money. I have everything I wanted. I sometimes work as a model, so the money does not play role in this thought. However, I suppose if somebody pay for me then he or she will use me.

Sorry for my crying. I have such thoughts on my mind and maybe some of you will find it interesting. I will try to be happier tomorrow.