Working III

I woke up early and continued working on the door. And I finished. I wrote a small description and I saved it at that moment when Arta arrived. I kissed her legs and I answered her questions related to the door. Her friend arrived, so, I greeted her. Suddenly, Arta asked if I forgot something. I had headache because of scripting. I tried to remember, but I did not remember what I had done badly.

She told me what I did wrong. I stopped kissing her feet. I apologized without emotes. I knew I was failed again. Arta and her guest were talking about the necessity of my punishment. I knelt silently and waited for their decision. Some weeks ago, I would have felt despaired and I would have begged for mercy. Now, I knelt straight, emotionless. The fact that I failed was just a fact. It is interesting that hiding my emotes affect on my mind so much. I was not despaired. I felt just emptiness. My failure and the possible punishment seemed to be far away from me. Emotions had left not only my face; they had left my mind, too, it seemed.

It is very interesting how my mind has been changing. I have not been able to imagine how my feelings for my Mistress affect on me. I felt the Gorean slaves, who were ready to give everything to their Masters. It was so strange for me. I felt everything. I sometimes cried in RL, too. Now, that I am not allowed to express my emotes, I became cold. I do not cry. I only exist waiting for the decision of my Mistress. I lost my sense of justice, as it does not count if I feel guilty. I do not try to protect myself any more. Mistakes become parts of my fate. My fate is in Arta's hands. Maybe it is the real slavery? I do not know, but I feel that it is the other level of slavery, probably the higher level.

I did not receive punishment.

Arta allowed me to go to bed, as I was very tired.

Oh, I just forgot. I received a necklace from Sir Bela's new collection. He said he finished the work with other model. It hurt me a bit. I remembered our first encounter, when I was the other girl, who worked together with my friend-model. She had left second life many months ago. Sir Bela, thank you for the necklace and the other gift.