To Punish or not to Punish

I have never thought about the punishment. I admit that I was rarely punished. I have always tried to be an obedient slave. I felt sometimes that some of my Owners did not want to punish me. I had a strange feeling that punishing me was uncomfortable for them. Maybe I am wrong, as it is just my anticipation.

I was sometimes punished. That is right. I was caged; I was whipped; I had to write about my mistake. I am sure that after the punishment, I became better slave. But what made me better slave? The pain? The discomfort? Maybe. However, I think that after the punishment I learnt something new of my Owner, of his or her need. I eagerly wanted to use the new knowledge. I always wanted to please my Owner better.

I must also remember that many of Owners enjoyed my punishment or imposition. For example, I was closed in a cage as a punishment and I was caged just for my Owners pleasure. I always knew when I was punished and when my discomfort was used to give pleasure to my Owner. This feedback is very important for me. I know my Owner can use me whatever he or she likes. I accept it and I like it. It is why I am a slave. *smiles

Knowing that I am under punishment and knowing the reason made me better slave, who can satisfy the Owner's need better.

Arta has another approach. She is proud of me as a slave who does not need punishment. I felt how she was content when she told it to her friends. I was very proud hearing it. I cannot describe my feelings. I was content with myself and I was excited. I felt so not because of pride. I felt so because, I know that she was pleased with me. Hearing her words, I always decided to act very carefully, to listen to every word of her order and to listen to her emotions.

When she called me disobedient slave, I felt something was broken inside me. I knew I did something wrong, something unforgettable. I was afraid of loosing her trust. I was afraid of making her discomfort.

I would have wished to hear her voice telling me that I was not disobedient, just foolish and bumpkin. She did not tell these words to me. Instead, she ordered me out of her bedroom and she bound me in the living room. I was despaired.

The next day, she forgave me. She allowed visiting my friend as she had promised a day ago. I felt that I did not deserve her kindness. When I returned home, she showed me her trust in me. She did not tie me to the bed and she allowed me to walk freely in her house and in the garden.

I spent last night in cuffs holding my body in uncomfortable position. I knew that she was disappointed in me. She punished me such way. After the punishment, I decided to be better slave and to listen to her needs better with all my attention. So, the punishment was useful.

But, the next day, she gave me her trust. She did not punish me, but she gave me some reward. I know I do not want to loose her trust. I know that I must deserve the confidence. I know that I cannot make any mistake. I must do my best and even more. I was not punished. However, my will to please her became harder.

It is not my job to decide if a slave must be punished or not. I do not want to judge anybody. I just wanted to share my feelings with you.